RantFever 4

I pontificate but not in the pejorative sense of the word.

Archive of Rant Fever 3, 2, 1, & Beta

Enough is Enough

by: Mindy Hess | on: 2011-03-26 11:27:49

A few weeks ago, I was watching an episode of House, and was struck by something that the main character told his love interest.  The dialogue goes as such:

“Being happy and being in love with you makes me a crappy doctor [. . .] You have made me a worse doctor. And people are going to die because of that. And . . . you . . . are totally worth it.“

Last night, I went to see the Adjustment Bureau, and noticed it contained a similar theme.  For some people, when they find the one they love, so many empty spaces start to fill in that things start to feel complete.  The conundrum is, those empty spaces can sometimes be the driving force behind ambition and creativity.  Sometimes finding love means sacrificing a future where you do something far greater than anything you imagined yourself capable of. But is it worth it if you have an opportunity to either do it alone, or not at all?

For the past six months, I’ve rarely touched pen to paper. I haven’t blogged, I haven’t read, I haven’t escaped into my mind, spending hours building important scenes with my favorite characters.  It’s because I unexpectedly found someone, possibly the someone, and him and me . . . well that seems to be enough.  I thought by now, my feelings would have settled, and the writing would come back.  I thought the pain of leaving Europe would cause my stories to flourish.  But the slate that was my jaded, bitter past has been wiped clean, and the worst-case scenario of a fizzled relationship has yet to occur.

The crazy thing is, after reaching the six-month mark . . . I don’t think it ever will. 

The society we live in today seems to send a message that love isn’t real, and that it will inevitably turn apathetic and stale. What never occurred to me was that love, like most other things in life, is truly ebb and flow.  Some days seem boring and mundane, but others feel as though I’m meeting him for the first time all over again. Now, mind you, I’m new to this whole “true love” thing.  I try not to get ahead of myself, but after half a year, emotions start to solidify to the point where you can’t go back no matter how hard you try.

I never feel alone anymore. Which means, I never feel that desperate need to write.  Maybe it will come back, I don’t know. Of course I hope it does . . . but without that whole miserable lonely thing behind it. But if it doesn’t, is the loss of a few potential novels tragic? Or is it okay to just be content, in the simplest manner possible.

Perhaps I should reevaluate in another six months. 

But . . . he . . . is totally worth it.

 

Comments

Janeheiress 2011-03-30 23:33:29

I'm happy for you, Giulietta! I understand the feeling, at least somewhat. It's been much harder for me to blog and/or write the past 6 months because I've been much happier, but I don't have a man I can blame it on! Creative pursuits are all and good to give up, but love making a worse doctor? That's a little scary. I think with a lot of people, it's the other way around--a stable relationship helps their career.

Razzlered 2011-03-31 18:38:24

This concept of shifting priorities has been on my mind a lot recently. There is one thing that feels like it should always remain at the top and that is progression...of some kind. Other than that I feel like we are super fluid, things shift, change, adjust, adapt, move - that's what we are made out of. What I've found is some of my talents and passions seem to blossom for a time then perhaps fade a bit. Each time in a slightly different manner. They never really go away, they move with me. I imagine if writing is your soul (and the brief exposure I've had, proves to me it is) it will never be gone. It will meet you again, perhaps not in the same way, but certainly just as significant.

Trooper 2011-09-11 18:30:21

I used to write very emotional poems when I was younger. Like you, the poems dwindled when life became good. Then life got REALLY good, and I had something to write about again.
Maybe your writing will be sparked again by a wedding, baby, or some other note worthy love.
I'm not a patient person, but I'll wait for your book till then.

Giullieta 2011-09-15 14:57:02

Thanks Trooper, and hopefully you're right.

I've actually talked to him about some collaboration on the story I started working on in Prague. I think once life can sort of settle in to place, and he and I are able to spend a more leisure time together without stress, we can get cracking. Fingers crossed!